Baring All Before Boarding

What a contrast. When I was a kid, growing up as what I like to call an “Airline Brat” (this is a kid who jet sets for free thanks to mom and dad working for a major air carrier), I used to look forward to hitting the security screening checkpoint.

In those days—departing from the dearly departed, roach-infested Buffalo International Terminal—my family was able to often skirt security entirely and head to the boarding gate. This would always disappoint me, though I have no idea why. I guess I thought those machines were cool.

(A quick aside…things did change, even before BUF Intl. got replaced in 1997. I’m still sorry about the Pepsi can and subsequent wanding incident, circa 1995, Dad.)

In post-9/11 America, everyone goes through layers and layers of security: Shoes come off. Carry-ons are ripped apart. Coats and pockets must be emptied. You get a blast of wind in the puffer machine. It never ends.

In lieu of the Nigerian national who tried to make for an un-merry Christmas aboard Northwest Flight 253, airline security has again become a topic for front-page headlines and op-ed debates.

A big issue is the virtual strip search. Machines can disrobe fliers at the checkpoint and project the outline of their birthday suits onto a computer screen for TSA to observe. Any passenger can request a full-body pat down in place of e-stripping. The pat down raises issues of where the TSA inspector can place his/her hands and in our lawsuit-happy, get-rich-quick culture, people are liable to scream molestation to score a quick government hand out.

U.S. representative Carol Shea-Porter (D-NH) and senator Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) have cosponsored a bill alleging that full-body scanning machines violate basic privacy rights.  Their bill, which has won passage in the House, limits e-stripping to those who set off metal detectors. Even before this technology is widely implemented, the TSA seems to have done the proactive leg work to address some would-be complaints. Those who are scanned will have their faces blurred; the viewer will be in an isolated room; and images will not be retained, but rather destroyed after examination.

I personally think that, while unfortunate that it’s come to this, full-body digital imaging is a necessary evil. To those who feel it violates their rights, what about doctor visits? Doesn’t he or she check you out in the nude? What about pornographic/near-pornographic images and other unsavory content that is so infiltrated into our culture today? Basically we’ve all got either an X or Y chromosome; we all look pretty much alike in our “private” areas. I imagine TSA screeners inspecting men would need to be men, and vice versa for the ladies. And remember, faces will be blurred and images not retained. I would also hope thorough background checks would be required of all TSA agents sitting in the screening rooms. Because you know what? They have an unenviable job. The only people who might enjoy such a job had better not be put in that seat—they belong in a sex-offender registry and/or prison. The mindset of a TSA agent doing this job should be it’s a public service to make air travel safe for everyone.

One other issue I perceive is what happens when the terrorists get so good that they can sneak one through the body scanning machine? Then will the TSA wish to save images for later review? What happens when some kid with too much time on his hands hacks the government database and downloads full-body pictures of travelers and broadcasts them via YouTube?

The system will definitely have it caveats, hiccups, and dissidents. As the underwear in our luggage gets x-rayed by TSA agents, so should our entire bodies. Nobody in their right mind wants to stick their hands in someone’s crotch, which is how the Christmas-Day Scrooge got through security with plastic explosives more potent than Viagra in his pants. If this is what it has come to in order to ensure the skies remain safe, them I’m all for it. Go ahead and give me an e-strip search. I’ve got nothing you haven’t seen already, and nothing to hide.

About the Above Photo:  That McDonnell Douglas DC-9-32 was actually on the gate.  A little Photoshop clipping, angle adjustment, and overlaying on a background shot from an aircraft window produced that nifty little collage.

Additional reading:

AP Story Regarding Advanced Screening

Froma Harrop: Time for the ‘Virtual Strip Search’